I'm not really in the mood to blog right now, but I feel like I should. Today was a weird day, it started with what was practically a panic attack. I got a really awful feeling, deep in the pit of my stomach, like what you get when you think or know something bad has happened. I felt dizzy and clammy and couldn't breathe, and I thought I was going to have an asthma attack as well. But I took some deep breaths and it all subsided. I really felt icky for the rest of the morning/afternoon but at the same time was upset/angry about not hearing from Jayson yet. And when I get upset/angry, I go into crazy Martha Stewart mode and go into a cleaning frenzy. Got a lot done, wish I had gotten more done but there's always tomorrow. The girls were really trying me today, if it wasn't one thing, it was another and they just kept going and going as if they were trying to outdo each other to burn my fuse down to the explosive that is at the end of my patience. Aurora kept pulling papers out of a drawer and just throwing them all over the living room. Annabelle super-glued herself to one of our chairs. Aurora emptied her bottle out on the dog bed. Annabelle smeared lotion all over the carpet. And on and on it goes. And just as I felt like I was going to reach my absolute breaking point and really lose it, I was overwhelmed with an intense sense of calm. The polar opposite of what happened to me this morning. As if God laid a blanket of peace from my head to my toes and I instantly felt serene. The stress drained from my body and I was able to take a full, clean breath, close my eyes, and smile. I would still love to hear from Jayson of course, but right now I don't feel quite as stressed or freaked out about it. It was really nice having Katie stop by tonight. She brought me some delicious pumpkin bread and the starter so I can make my own and I am SUPER stoked about that. She also gave me some reassuring words and thoughts that were a salve to my soul. I'm really looking forward to getting to know her better over the next several months or so. Ooh, it's midnight now, I'm exhausted, time to try some sleep. I love you so much baby and can't wait for that call, fingers crossed! Kiss kiss!
p.s. babe, I watched SONS tonight, man oh man, not sure if I should tell you about it ;)
Just wanted you to know, I'm following you now. ;-) I know what it's like to have your Love gone for a while while you are left to care for 2 young kiddos and a home. Granted a year is much longer than 5 weeks, but all you've posted is exactly what I dealt with as well. Never forget -- the joy of the LORD is your strength and He will never give you more than you can handle. If it comes your way, it is possible to get through because He is with you.
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