Day 4: Ohh, so it DOES get better!

So yesterday was rough, Annabelle was being a pill almost all day and I found my fuse to be very short. Read a few military poems and prayers online and even though they made me cry my eyes out, it helped me feel better knowing that other people out there have made it through this same situation and that there's hope even if, heaven forbid, they didn't. As much as I don't want to get all depressing, I've really had to think about the possibilities of what could happen so I can be prepared for the worst. The key is to not dwell on it, think about it, process it, prepare yourself, and move on. I find that the more I try to avoid thinking or talking or blogging about the worst, the worse my thoughts get, so if I face the possibility of reality head-on, I've really been able to dispel my fears and focus on the hope for the future. Lots of tears yesterday, going through the pictures of the night that we said farewell, and I was really expecting and hoping for a call. We did get a blessing last night in the form of a really good friend ordering dinner for us and having it delivered so I didn't have to worry about a thing. It was awesome! Definitely eased the stress for a few hours. Then the girls decided they wanted to wake up around midnight and be wide awake. So I had to gather them both up in my arms, sit in our chair and sing songs for an hour. Annabelle went to sleep but Aurora was bound and determined to stay awake and keep Mommy up too. She finally dozed off around 2 AM and I then got to go to bed. Only to have Annabelle wake up two hours later but once she climbed into bed with me she went right to sleep. And then Aurora woke up and wanted to come sleep with us too. So I had a bed full of little bed-hogs but actually got some good sleep before Annabelle decided to wake up at 8 AM and get into my hair serum. BUT after a rocky start this morning, the girls have been decidedly sweeter. I even got a shower, got dressed, did my hair, put my face on, and we might even get out of the house today. The day has gone well so far like I said but the only thing that will make it a great day today is a call or message from Jayson. We've been waiting on pins and needles for any word from him for almost two full days now and I'm the kind of person that gets anxious when I don't get to talk to him for too long. I'm trying to be patient and understanding but it's going to take some getting used to before I get to the point where I don't start to get antsy. I just can't wait to hear his voice again. Still reading every message I have saved on facebook and every text on my phone over and over. I always keep a few texts on my phone from him, ones that say "I love you" or "I miss you" "Just wanted to say I love you" or "I love you honey!!!!!!" A little redundant, yes, but it's what I want to hear (read). This blog is definitely helping with the anxiety though, and the build-up of emotions. It's like releasing the pressure valve on an air compressor, or taking a nice, big, deep, cleansing breath after a really great yoga workout. Like you can actually feel the baddies leaving your body and inhaling peace of mind (if only a little) and you relax just a bit. *deep breath in* "We can do this" *big breath out* That has been my mantra these past few days and it really has helped me. On that note, I'm going to end this post and resume working on the house. I love you so much Jayson and can't wait for that phone call!!!