Day 5: Reluctant Post...

I was planning on not writing a new post until I had gotten a call or at the very least a message from Jayson, but still, nothing. I am so low right now but am thankful for my supportive little girl who always manages to make me smile. Yesterday after I had gotten dressed and ready to go to the PX and the commissary and when we were walking out the door Annabelle looked up at me and said, "Oh Mommy, you pretty!" As I teared up a little and told her, "well thank you Sweet Pea, you're pretty too!" She looks right back at me with those beautiful big blue eyes and says, "oh thank you Mommy." And she can make me laugh just as I want to scold her. We went to the PX then walked across the parking lots to the commissary because we had scored an awesome racecar cart and didn't want to give it up. We do all our shopping and head back across both lots to the Jeep at the class six. As I'm putting the groceries in the back and go to get Annabelle out of the racecar, I see that there is a drop-in bottle still in the package at Annabelle's feet. Yes, my daughter's first official shoplifting experience. Then she holds it up for me to take and says, "for Sissy, Mommy, bottle." I explain to her that it's not ours and that we can't just take things from stores, that we have to pay for them. And she just shrugs her shoulders at me. Now, she's still very young but I felt the need to further the lesson so we took it back to the store to pay for it (the top of the box was torn a little and it's the kind of bottles we use anyway). So I took the girls back in and explained that it managed to make it out with us without being paid for and I had Annabelle hand the money to the cashier so she could better understand the concept. So now she goes around the house bringing me things and asking, "Mommy pay? Mommy cost?" And now for the little one, she is determined to keep up with her big sister. Annabelle will take off down the hall to their room and Aurora does her level best to keep up and walk after her, she manages a few steps on her own and then relies on the walls and other objects to keep her balance. And then when it comes to mealtime, she is an absolute bottomless pit! So last night, I sat her in the high chair, gave her a bowl of baby food, a spoon, and let her loose. And I was actually amazed at the lack of mess she made, she is fairly adept at using the spoon herself and actually getting the (I gave her pears) food in her mouth and only a little on her chin, cheeks and bib. I was so proud of her and she was definitely very proud of herself as well. Moving on to today. Today was Monday which is lawn day, so I had to clean the yard up so they could mow. I was so proud of myself for actually getting out of bed and getting it done before the guys showed up to do the lawn. It may not sound like much, but this is a big deal for me and a small victory for my state of mind. Then I remembered that the exterminators were coming out to spray for bugs sometime before noon and I needed to pick up a little so she could get to all the places she needed to. Amazingly enough, I didn't have to do much and Annabelle even helped me tidy up her room and the living room. She is really becoming such a big helper when she's of a mind to be. So VEX-CON came and sprayed, we talked about all the different creepy crawlies we've been seeing and I emphasized the ant issue and she definitely did her thing. Haven't seen a single nasty bug in the whole house (with the exception of one fly that Annabelle MIRACULOUSLY caught by herself, she trapped it on the window with one of her megablocks and then scooped it into her hand and showed it to me, it was incredible, we then had to track it back down and she caught it AGAIN!). THEN, another personal victory for me because I'm horrible about these things, I made doctors appointments for Aurora and me! Again, doesn't sound like much, but if you know me well, you know what a big deal this is for me. And all that was done before noon today! The rest of the day was pretty uneventful for me. It really made my heart ache to see other people's jubilation at the fact that they were able to hear from their loved one overseas. I'm so happy that they were able to talk to them, but once again, I feel cheated. Like we're being punished for some reason. I wouldn't even need a long conversation. Just to hear his voice, know he's safe, and hear him say, "I love you" would suffice it for me. I can't help but have "Come Home Soon" playing through my mind and my heart over and over. The girls and I have been taking turns wearing a pair of Jayson's dog tags. We had "Daddy-style" pasta tonight, plain with lots of butter. As I put Aurora in her crib, that song popped back into my head and I couldn't help but start to hum and ultimately sing the whole thing. At the very end, Annabelle climbed up in my lap and put her cheek to my cheek. When I finished she turned to me and said, "good job, Mommy, pretty song." God has truly blessed me with my children. I am exhausted now though so I'm going to snuggle on the couch with my Annabelle and try to rest in case I get a call. I love you more than air, my love, hope to hear your voice soon!!